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2.28.2005 

missing


who the f%#k stole my car?
so it's not enough I am on my ass from some super strain of the flu, but the friendly neighborhood thieves decide that it is my jeep cherokee, my slice of the american dream, that they desperatly need to chop somewhere in the lovely tri-state area. they couldn't have chosen the exact jeep cherokee parked only feet away? you know my favorite umbrella, and my favorite steely dan cd (please refer to earlier posts), were also included in formentioned hiest. it seems the police officers didn't find it necessary to write these items down. i am sure they wanted to get back to the crime lab to start looking for leads with the other detectives.

my moment of zen:

A policeman with a clipboard is leading the Dude through a large parking lot.
POLICEMAN
You're lucky she wasn't chopped, Mr. Lebowski. Must've been a joyride situation; they abandoned the car once they hit the retaining wall.
They have reached the Dude's car. The driver's side exterior has been scraped raw. The policeman hands the Dude a door handle and an exterior rear-view mirror.
POLICEMAN
These were on the road next to the car. You'll have to get in on the other side.
The Dude climbs in the passenger side.
DUDE
My fucking briefcase! It's not here!
POLICEMAN
Yeah, sorry, I saw that on the report. You're lucky they left the tape deck though.
DUDE
My fucking briefcase! Jesus--what's that smell?
POLICEMAN
Uh, yeah. Probably a vagrant, slept in the car. Or perhaps just used it as a toilet, and moved on.
The Dude tries to roll down the driver's window but it will not go; he bellows through the glass:
DUDE
When will you find these guys? I mean, do you have any promising leads?
The policeman laughs, agreeing broadly.
POLICEMAN
Leads, yeah. I'll just check with the boys down at the Crime Lab. They've assigned four more detectives to the case, got us working in shifts.

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